Whoooooo, doggies, does this one stink! As yummy as that chocolate bar looks is as bad as this album is. In my opinion, Chicago X is the band's worst album with Terry Kath and possibly is their worst album of the entire Good Parts Version.

Since we're up to Album X, let's get started with: Top X Things I'd Rather Listen To Than Chicago X

X. Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music
IX. Two cell phones ringing simultaneously, one playing the Mexican Hat
Dance and one playing the William Tell Overture
VIII. Any fifth-grade band student in his first month of saxophone lessons
VII. A book on tape of Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, read by George W. Bush
VI. Gangsta rap
V. Six consecutive hours of jackhammers
IV. That screeching sound the el trains make when they turn a corner
downtown and you happen to be standing right under the tracks
III.Celine Dion and Michael Bolton Sing the Mariah Carey Songbook
II. My cat throwing up at 3 A.M.
I. Chicago 13

What's so bad about it? Poor songs, mostly. Skin Tight is probably James Pankow's worst song to date - compare it to the much superior Ohio Players song by the same name. The second side of X is littered with wimpy, stupid throwaways like Gently I'll Wake You, You Get It Up, and Mama Mama. Terry Kath - composer of Byblos, Jenny, and An Hour in the Shower - is reduced to repeating various permutations of "I don't know." Strings pop up everywhere, particularly on the infamous future Pets.com commercial, If You Leave Me Now. Peter Cetera affects a ridiculous Latin accent in Another Rainy Day in New York City. This would never be allowed today! Speaking of strange vocals, who told those horn players they could sing? Sure, both can carry a tune, but they don't have lead-quality voices.

There are two very good songs on X. "Once or Twice," which opens the album, is a vintage rocker that features a nice Walt Parazaider saxophone solo. "Scrapbook" is one of the few self-referential Chicago songs that WORKS - the horns get some great lines, and Laudir de Oliveira adds some wonderful percussion that doesn't stick out. Lyrically, it recalls highlights of the band's career, similar to "Truckin'" for the Grateful Dead. It's interesting that, when the Terry Kath tribute CD was put together, these were the only two X cuts included.

This album sold millions when it was released in 1976, and If You Leave Me Now was Chicago's first Number 1 hit in the fall of that year. It certainly didn't hurt that X has a great cover, which won a much-deserved Grammy for Best Album Packaging. The inside jacket features yet another police-chase scene: a funny picture of the entire band trying to escape town on one motorcycle, as a police officer runs after them, brandishing his club. Maybe he was upset that the album was so bad?

It gets better, folks. I promise.